The Importance of Humour
Humour has been an essential part of human behaviour for thousands of years. There is comedy in the texts of Ancient Greece, and medieval writings are filled with jokes. While these same jokes might not be as funny to us now as they were then, their authors understood that humour could not only entertain but also throw new light on sensitive or emotive issues.
Closer to modern times, someone who is remembered for his ability to combine humour with more serious messages is American writer Mark Twain. Twain's particular style of writing is funny and often mischievous. For example, in his classic novel The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, he famously says, “Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.” But he is equally well known for his witty remarks in his everyday interactions with people. For instance, while on a lecture tour of the United States, Twain went into a barber's shop to get a haircut and a shave. The barber, not recognising him, asked if he had a ticket to the lecture. When Twain replied that he didn't, the barber told him that if he wanted to go to the event he would have to stand, as there were no seats left in the theatre. Twain's response was, “That's just my luck. I always have to stand when that fellow lectures!”
Like Twain, but on the other side of the world, the Chinese writer Wang Zengqi was soon to become famous for his own unique brand of humour. In his essay On Humour, Wang used fewer than 600 characters to introduce several humorous examples of famous people, concluding that, “The world is full of amusing things. The thought of them would always make you laugh out loud, even when you're just sitting by yourself.”
Wang believed that humour not only shows one's personality, but also reflects a person's attitude towards life. He himself gives the best example to the word “humour”. One day, one of his readers flattered him by saying, “Gaoyou is famous for, first, the poet Qin Shaoyou, and second, Wang Zengqi.” Wang didn't show any displeasure but only gave a gentle response, “No. Gaoyou salted duck eggs are much more famous than me. I can only stay in the third place.” On another occasion, Wang was invited to give a speech in the US and was scheduled to speak last. He walked to the podium and began, “Unfortunately, none of today's speakers have last names starting with X, Y, or Z, so I am the last one to speak. Speaking last is difficult because everyone is already very tired. But don't worry. My speech will be as short as a rabbit's tail.”
Both Twain and Wang understood that humour isn't just about laughter, but is a way of life and a tool that can be used to illuminate the world. Wang once said, “Life may be like a dream, short and uncertain. But I pour my true feelings into it. The world gave me its love first, so I cannot help but love it back.” Life is never smooth sailing and sometimes can be complicated and cruel. But humour can help us maintain our enthusiasm for life. In fact, some may argue that our need for humour is almost as great as our need for water and air. In the words of Mark Twain, “Humor is mankind's greatest blessing”.
Saving Face
The writer, Feng Jicai, was once visited by an American friend and his young child in a hotel. While the two men were talking, the little boy was jumping up and down on his bed. The bed was shaking, and Feng was worried that it might break. But Feng knew that if he asked the child directly to get off the bed, his friend would feel embarrassed about his son's behaviour. This would not be courteous to the father or kind to the child.
Feng thought about the most tactful way to handle the situation. He smiled and said to his friend, “Your child is trying to reach the sky. Please ask him to come back to the earth!” His friend understood immediately, and following Feng's example, replied jokingly, “Sure! Let me discuss it with him!” In this way, Feng had used humour to protect both the bed and his friend's feelings. Rather than creating a division, the situation in fact brought the two men closer together.
As Feng Jicai's story shows, humour is an effective way to deal with delicate situations. Parents do not like other people criticising their children. If Feng had embarrassed his friend, he would have run the risk of creating tension between them. In contrast, by joking about the child's behaviour, Feng not only made light of a potentially awkward situation, but ensured that his friend saved face as a father.
As it is said, “People will forget what you said, what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel.” Feng's intention was to make his friend feel amused — not uncomfortable. In return, the friend took the joke in the good will in which it was intended. In any relationship there are times when a person's behaviour is thoughtless and irritating. Kindness and consideration can go a long way if there is a bone to pick with someone. Adopting a positive humorous approach can help get a point across without causing offence, thus letting those we care and respect save face.
Avoiding Conflicts
Each relationship in life has its ups and downs. However, if driven by emotion, people can sometimes make a mountain out of a molehill. That way, what was once a small problem can balloon into a major issue. Self-control and good humour can help resolve disagreements and avoid conflicts. However, good humour can, if used with skill and respect, even when the battle lines have been drawn, help defuse a potentially explosive situation.
When teaching at Xiamen University, the renowned writer and thinker Lu Xun went for a haircut. On seeing his new customer dressed in a faded grey robe and old cloth shoes, the barber paid him little respect and attention. Instead of getting angry, Lu Xun paid the barber for his haircut with a number of coins from his pocket. On seeing that the coins added up to much more than the usual fee for a haircut, the barber was very happy.
The next time Lu Xun went for a haircut, the barber recognised him immediately and gave him careful, considerate service. After the haircut, Lu Xun counted his coins precisely and paid the exact amount. The barber said, “Sir, why did you give so little today compared to the last time you were here?” Lu Xun smiled and replied, “You treated me carelessly last time so I just paid you carelessly. But this time you treated me properly, and so in return, I paid you properly.”
The story of Lu Xun illustrates that humour is a much better response than anger in difficult situations. Suppose Lu Xun had lost his temper and shouted at the barber for his poor service. Then the barber might have felt angry too, and his prejudice against poorly dressed men would have been strengthened. He would not have felt ashamed, nor would he have changed his opinions. A good-humoured approach accomplished a great deal in this situation — Lu Xun was satisfied, and the barber was left to acknowledge his poor behaviour.